It's Always Hard

Although I love being in Santa Fe, it is also very hard to be in Santa Fe. I see my Mom everywhere, remember eating at certain restaurants, shopping at certain stores, driving on certain streets. And of course she is buried there. I don't usually like visiting her gravesite -- she is buried in a National Cemetery because my stepfather was in the military -- and although it is a beautiful, well-maintained cemetery, it just isn't her.

But I thought it was important for the kids to see it, now that they're older and they understand more about what it means when someone dies. Oh how I wish they didn't understand what it means when someone dies! But they do, and I do, so we set out on the evening that Jay flew back to Dallas to visit Grandma Hilma. The boys ran around, playing with each other, and Lauren hugged her gravestone and cried. Which is probably the exact thing they would be doing if she were alive.

Lauren was upset that we didn't bring her any flowers, so the next day, just she and I returned with a bouquet that Lauren chose herself. And although it felt slightly sacriligious to take a picture of it, I wanted to remember Lauren on this day, as she honored the Grandmother that she never knew.