The Joy of Our Chaos: Jon Owen Turns Six!!!

So on June 23rd Jon Owen turned 6. Since I've shared a personal memory about Lauren as a baby, I will also share one of Jon Owen. It's actually a painful one.

When Jon Owen was an infant, he was extremely difficult. He cried all the time, he was uncomfortable, he wouldn't settle in my arms, he was constantly arching his back and throwing himself away from me. I'd had such a perfect, immediate bonding experience with Lauren that I was at a loss for what to do -- I didn't feel connected to him. I cried all the time. I felt like a bad Mother. I wondered if we'd ever bond, and I was scared that we wouldn't.

It didn't dawn on me that his problem could be medical until a sweet nurse in the pediatrician's office (Dina was her name, I'll never forget it) looked at me crying as I tried to soothe him and suggested that he might have reflux, since he was throwing himself backwards. This set in motion a series of medications and tests and specialists and the ultimate diagnosis of a milk protein allergy. They found blood in his stool -- the milk protein I was ingesting was causing his stomach to bleed! I was told to stop nursing immediately and he was prescribed a prescription formula that they give preemies in the NIC-U ($32 a can, it nearly put us in the poor house!).

And within 48 hours of starting the formula, I met my son. Gone were the tears, the screams, the back arching. I held him close. He smiled at me. And then and there, almost 3 months after I delivered him, I truly fell in love with him.

And now, this boy, this 6 year old boy....I have no words. It is unfathomable to me that I ever worried that I would connect with him, because I am SO connected to him. He is so me -- from his big brown eyes to his desire to please to his crazy worries. This sweet, kind, loving, sensitive boy who gives the best hugs on the planet, he is totally mine.

So here he is on his birthday. Eating "Mommy's pizza" (really just Di Giorno frozen pizza -- he loves it, what can I say) for his special birthday dinner and "Papa's cake" (angel food cake with pudding frosting like Papa). Happy Birthday, baby boy!